Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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