I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
