It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
