Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
