I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize