You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
