oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
