i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
