Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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