Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
