I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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