So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
