For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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