it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
