Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
