I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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