Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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