dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize