they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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