Is it normal to miss your booty call?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
