This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
