it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
