your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
