I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
