lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
