I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
