I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
