I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
