That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
