We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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