I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
