Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
