tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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