just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
