Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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