two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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