Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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