I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize