I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
