he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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