i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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