How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
