so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
