Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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