I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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