i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
