This girl is more easily done than said...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
this beer tastes like vomit already
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
