How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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