Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
