He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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