I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
