i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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