Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
