That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
