Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
