I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
