If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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