I'm drive I can fine osifer
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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