my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
