what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
