if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize