All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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