Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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