I wanna passion pit in your ass
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
