nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
