Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize