Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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