i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
