Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
