will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
