is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
