As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
