I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
