I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm like, not good at living.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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